Pregnancy Loss Resources: A book about the science behind miscarriage

Coming to Term: Uncovering the Truth about Miscarriage by Jon Cohen

Coming to Term is a different type of miscarriage book - it's purpose is not to comfort women or share personal narratives and coping strategies; instead it explores the scientific research behind miscarriage which, in it's own way, can be a comfort to those who have experienced pregnancy loss.  The author, Jon Cohen, is a journalist who, after having gone through his wife's multiple losses, noticed that doctors seemed to have very few concrete facts about miscarriage and set out to discover the scientific truth behind miscarriage himself by piecing together the scant medical research on the topic.

I read Coming to Term after my first miscarriage and was a bit ambivalent about it; after having a second miscarriage soon after, I'm grateful to have read it.  Knowing some concrete facts about the causes of miscarriage and some of the potential treatments kept me from losing hope after my second loss.  I still often repeat to myself the statistic that Cohen shares: a woman who has a history of repeat miscarriages - three or more - still has a 70% chance of carrying a pregnancy to term without medical intervention.

Perhaps the biggest lessons to be learned from this book is that miscarriage is more common than it was once thought, is largely still a mystery, and most miscarriages cannot be prevented.  Those are some tough facts to face for women that want answers and treatments, but can also be a comfort to know the truth, especially for the many men and women who are told conflicting, outdated, and non-evidence-based information from various medical professionals.

In additional to the hopeful statistics for future pregnancies, the two additional pieces of information that I have felt most useful to me are: 1) Research shows that approximately 50% of miscarriages are due to chromosomal abnormalities, which couples have no control over.  These losses are, essentially, just "bad luck" and do not raise the risk for future miscarriages. 2) Blood clotting disorders cause a significant number of miscarriages and the use of heparin and aspirin during pregnancy has been shown to raise the chances of successfully carrying a baby to term.  Because I read this book, I was able to ask my doctor about testing for blood clotting disorders.

I would caution women from reading this book right after a miscarriage.  Give yourself a few months to heal and read some of the more compassionate experience-sharing books first.  (I recommend After Miscarriage and Angels in my Heart.)  I found Coming to Term at times to be very difficult to read because it approached miscarriage in a clinical way.  In addition, there is frequent reference to abortion (there are some very strong links between abortion and miscarriage research), fertility treatments that do not respect the dignity of life, and surrogacy, all of which bring up ethical/moral issues and may be difficult to handle soon after a loss.

A consumer-focused view of parenthood runs throughout the book, though it certainly isn't the author's focus or even his intention; he simply includes stories of real couples, many which unfortunately include elements of this.  It is worth reading this book for the valuable medical information it contains; however, make sure you have healed enough and are prepared to be confronted by these issues.

Pregnancy Loss Resources: Angels in My Heart by Kathleen Olowin

Angels in My Heart: A Journey of Love and Loss by Kathleen Olowin

The second best miscarriage book I've read (the first being After Miscarriage), Angels in My Heart is divided into two distinct sections.  The first 130 pages are the author's personal story and the remaining 70 pages read like an informational resource.  The second section is divided into various topics, such as "The Journey of Grief", "Am I Going Crazy?", and "Hurtful Things Well-Meaning People Will Say".  The book is well worth reading just for this second section alone as I have found it to be the best single resource that brings together the vast array of needs a woman has after miscarriage: from the stages of grief to answers to common questions  like "How many children should I say I have?" and from ideas of how to memorialize your child to relating to others after your loss.  As a mother who experienced miscarriage herself, Olowin is very compassionate and has a deep insight into the answers women need to hear.

Of all the books I read, this is the book I would suggest for people who would like to understand the emotions and needs of a friend or family member who has experienced a loss.  The second section of the book that I already lauded is a great place to start, but the author's memoir of her losses is also exceptional.  As I read the book, I found myself wanting to highlight and share many, many passages of the book because the author perfectly described my feelings about some aspect of my own loss.  And then she would do it again about another emotion or experience on the very next page.  If someone (who had not experienced loss herself) read this book, I have no doubt that she would come away with a much better understanding of what I have been going through these last three months.  Because Olowin experienced four miscarriages, each with distinct circumstances and at various points in pregnancy, I suspect any woman who has had a miscarriage can find many parallels with Olowin's story. 

I appreciated that the author is Catholic though it is not a central part of the book.  Throughout her personal account, she mentions the Masses she had said for her babies, conversations with priests, and her faith throughout her miscarriages, but there is no Catholic theology discussed and I imagine that all Christians, and potentially many non-Christians, would feel comfortable with this book. If you are looking for more of a Catholic guide to miscarriage or a book faithful to the Magisterium, look elsewhere because, in addition to not discussing Church teaching the author also mentions that she used contraception (she does not discuss it in depth).  

Also of note, at one point in her memoir, Olowin writes that she had a 40% chance of miscarrying again after two miscarriages.  That might be what she was told at the time, but it's not accurate based on current research (the chance of miscarrying again after multiple miscarriages is much lower than that).  I only mention this because if a woman reads this shortly after a miscarriage without getting the proper facts, it may unnecessarily alarm her. 

Pregnancy Loss Resources: After Miscarriage by Karen Edmisten

I've read several books about miscarriage since my loss.  (After I finish the ones I currently have on loan from the library, I will have read nine.)  Some were more helpful than others and they represented different types of helpful - medical information, memoir, coping strategies, etc.  I had planned to share some brief thoughts about each in a single post, however, my "brief thoughts" on After Miscarriage turned out to be not quite so brief, so this book at least will get an entire post.  My reviews of other books will probably be much shorter and will appear several to a post in the coming weeks.  After Miscarriage was my favorite book on the topic (so far) and I find it fitting that it has a post to itself and that it appears first.  

After Miscarriage: A Catholic Woman's Companion to Healing & Hope by Karen Edmisten

The most helpful book I've read since my miscarriage, Karen Edmisten's After Miscarriage is a hodge-podge of short contributions from various people who have lost a child, poems, quotes, bible passages, and pieces from the author's journal.  Many of the poems, quotes, and scripture passages did not deal directly with miscarriage or even death (though some certainly did), which helped me understand the universality of the emotions I felt.  I also appreciated the shortness of it all - no single piece within the book is more than a few pages long, so I could pick it up, read a short passage or a single quote and put it back down if it were too much all at once.  That said, I read it all in just a few days, though I feel like I will continue to refer back to it often during the difficult times in the coming months and years (especially if we experience a future loss).  

After having five miscarriages, Edmisten herself has experienced a range of emotions and put these into a short but thorough resource for Catholic women after pregnancy loss.  It is a blessing to read others' experiences and realize that the strange new emotions I was feeling are actually "normal" for the context.  Reading through the various pieces by women (and a man) who have "been there" made me feel much less alone, especially since I have very few people in my daily life who have had a miscarriage. I found myself relating to most of the passages, and even those I did not personally find connection with helped me understand how others' grieving processes may differ from my own.  I found the book to be very nurturing and uplifting, free of platitudes and generalizations. 

My only critique of this book is of a poem it contains that referred to a baby having a "pair of wings".  Many of the resources I've encounter talk about "angel babies", a concept that is not consistent with my Catholic faith (angels and humans are separate beings, one cannot become the other), and I was very much looking forward to reading a specifically Catholic resource that would not include that reference.  Obviously, that one poem can be easily overlooked.

Though written specifically for Catholics, most of the books should be helpful to Christians of all denominations and I would recommend it as a gift to give a friend who has recently experienced a loss.  I have, in fact, have sent it to three women in the past two months since reading it myself and thought about starting a ministry to send it to women for free.  It turns out there already is one: A Magnolia Sweet Healing.  Click over to see how you can get a copy for free or how you can donate to help women receive copies of this book.